While we were in the hospital, we were asked multiple times if we wanted pictures taken of Sawyer. For whatever reason, I refused them. I think I was thinking that if there were no pictures, it never happened. I think that was how my traumatized mind was processing it. After refusing them for the third time, our nurse Kelly came to me and whispered, “I’m sorry to keep pushing this on you and I know you are upset with me for doing it but I really must insist you agree to the pictures. You can have them done and never look at them. But if one day you want them and don’t have them, you will regret it”. I remember snapping at her, “Fine, but I don’t want any of us holding him. Just of him”. I owe Kelly the biggest thank you possible. During those few weeks after the delivery, I longed to see his face. I couldn’t remember what he looked like and God I tried to. Having the pictures makes it all real. He really did exist and he was beautiful. The photographer that took his pictures was Amy Mooney. She is apart of an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. It’s made up of photographers all around the country that volunteer their time for these situations. She came in and spent a lot of time positioning him and getting the lighting just right. Then, she spent her personal time at home editing them. I am beyond grateful for this. Thanks to her (and nurse Kelly) I have beautiful pictures to put in the shadow box I’m making.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep: www.nilmdts.org
Amy Mooney’s photography site: www.photogracejax.com